episode 11: Fail ( a note to myself from myself)

So that blog I posted yesterday... totally backfired on me. it probably means curtains for my relationship with Her. Its a damn shame really. I always get lucky.. like ridiculously lucky, and i manage to mismanage it. so here i am again 2 weeks to the day saying to myself at 3am in the morning, i cant lose her, not like this not like this. the quick and dirty solution would be to just shut my mouth and not say a word to her about anything other than what pretains to her. but shutting her out of my life isnt the way. for pete's sake i didnt mean to give you the idea that i want another girl. i want you and she helped me to see that. but alas the girl that im with now is intent on releasing me , setting me free, and leaving the door open for me to walk out like the jerk that i am.
and in truth she's the one who wants her freedom and rightfully so. today was a huge mistake a huge huge mistake and if i can make it out of this one alive then i swear i'll never talk to another female outside of my family and the woman im dating... thats not the right way to go because this whole argument started up because i was being anti social around women. sheesh i cant win. No i can win. I will win , because i dont lose.

so heres the plan of action ladies and gents,

step 1: hear her out

*if she leaves me then proceed to step 6

step 2: leave her to her work and her friends.. assuming she accepted me back into her life, she's going to need time to heal and besides things in her life are getting busy.

Step 3: leave weekends open , sure she may not want to hang out with me but in order to make any kind of change a comprimise must be agreed, because she says she wants to spend time with me, but her schedule says otherwise.

step 4: buy 1 dozen gerber dasies and this time include instructions on how to keep them alive

step 5: get her something big for christmas ... by this time her birthday is already in the books... and she's a grown woman.. the kid shit and septa aint gonna work, hit up a few bars, take in a show or two, display some class and style, all the things you did to get her in the first place.

STOP HERE>>>>

step 6: if you get to this step then im sorry, you failed and she left you for something more . at this point youve given up the backup girls a long time ago and you dont have any real friends to depend on. even though the source of all your strength has fled , carry on as usual... get the job, get the apartment, get the certification and maybe even a degree. be civil with her, but dont fool yourself into thinking she'll take you back because isnt that how you ruined the last 2 relationships worried about some girl who obviously dropped your scrawny ass by the waysi... but lets not reminisce lets move forward


i dont like step 6 and i know you dont moses... so for all that is pure and right in this world , i hope and pray that she forgives you, and you take a hard look at yourself... youve already anylyzed the other options. the other girls, the wild single life, you sat and thought long and hard about that and its not for you. be sure in your convictions and you will find solace. and above all, respect her and her decision.
because you love Serena, you do , that is Certain.