i was asked not to contact someone
i honored that request ( like a little bitch i might add)
but as usual.. curiosity kills the cat and yeah...I really should watch what I say and for that matter to whom i say it to. I mean look at it like this, being my usual free wheelin self has lost me some Really good people because i Fail to see that confidentiality rarely ever goes both ways especially if youre the new guy . Call it a life lesson but ive had Several things come back to me on some he said she said ish.. and yeah.. I said I know i said though i may not remember in detail wich then gets thrown into the pile of me talkin wrecklessly when infact it could have been as small as me agreeing with something that i saw that somebody else brought up. since when does the hypeman get the credit for the diss yo... its cool though Ive learned some of my lesson. and I admit it'll take some time ( as if the 10 years before me ) to digest . this would be the point where i say if i could take it all back I would but ... nah because the other people involved would still be the same.
other people.. I put way too much on them. and it hurts me when they hurt themselves or other people or worse me.
and who am i to try and right some other persons wrongs... why was it that when one of my musical aquaintences SCREWED OVER one of his most loyal and helpful friends , I was quick to jump in and try to save the world... Not one of those people would have done that for me they woulda both let me take my lumps like a grown up and then hit me with an "i told ya so" .
I cant play the hero anymore because im increasingly becoming an annoyance or worse.. a villain
it sucks that i gotta step outta my fantasy world in order to grasp reality for what it is because i built this world that i live in to cope with the real world. but it's a change that i welcome with open arms , clean ears, and a bulletproof vest on.
point blank If i ever spoke out of pocket concerning you... and yeah.. im talkin to you ...im sorry, it might not mean much to you but im sorry and hopefully we can at least shake hands on that note.
and ...to that red-headed goddess somewhere north of here, its not the lies that caught up to me, its not this "passive -aggressive" standpoint that im charged with, but my own childish behavior that i've had trouble shaking. well I think i got a somewhat grip on it but too late to still get a minute of your time.
I'll be happier next episode... I just had to get this off my chest in order to breathe right